Life as I know it

I am pretty sure it would just turn into a pervy porno kind of situation.

To wear fashionable hats, coats and shoes!

Ok so my bucket list was recently posted back in April of 2010 since then I have been completed some of the things on my list. So the things you see crossed off I have done.

1. Ride a horse, on a beach

2. Go to a topless/nude beach

3. Really learn to belly dance

4. Go to NYC for the Thanksgiving Day parade or for New Year's Eve

5. Learn to speak a foregin Language (dutch, spanish or bosnian) and use it.

6. Learn to ballroom dance, in heels

7. Own my own Cafe or Bar

8. Smoke pot in Amsterdam, just cuz I can

9. Get front row tickets to a concert

10. Get dolled-up pin-up style (hair, make-up, clothes and shoe) and hit the town

11. Volunteer for a good cause

12. Live in a different city for a year

13. Learn to salsa and put my skills to use at the Saddle

14. Try French food

15. Be a mom (biologically or adopted)

16. Go back to college and learn a trade or skill

17. Learn how to play guitar

18.Own my own property (likely a condo)

19. Host a themed party

20. Live in an urban area

21. Swim in an ocean

22. Ride a Gondola in Venice(not the knock off version in Las Vegas)

23. Go back to the arch in St. Louis and actually go up in it

24. Meditate in a Buddhist Temple (even though I won't understand the service)

25. Own a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes

26. Wear a dress every day for a week

27. Attend a murder mystery at a bed and breakfast

28. Stay at a bed and breakfast

29. Be a foster mom to dogs or kids

30. Be a vegetarian for a month (no cheating, but animal bi-products are ok. not sure yet if fish are exceptable)

31. Faithfully write in my live journal for a month

32. Get Married

33. Smash grape with my feet for wine

34. Travel to at least 11 foriegen countries (The Netherlands, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Russia, England, Germany, Mexico, Aruba, Italy and Turkey.... Maybe countries could change)

35.Go to a strip club, men's or women's

36. Eat local food only for one month (within 100 miles)

37. Go on a "girls only" trip

38. Learn how to be a bartender

39. Get a bare beaver

40. Learn to read music... again

41. Attend a class reunion

42. Enter a photo in the Iowa State Fair and place

43. Learn to change a tire

44. Swim with dolphins

45. Sing Karaoke, and remember it

46. Skinny Dip

47. Make a warable piece of clothing

48. Run a mile without stopping

49. Make friends with a stranger

50. Learn to type without looking

51. take a photo of myself eveyday for a year, to see how I change

52. Learn to make sushi

53. Eat sushimi

54. Read Catcher in the Rye

55. Get another tattoo (stars with when you wish upon a star...on my foot)

56. Go to Mardi Gras

57. Attend a gay marriage

58. Participate in a political rally

59. Go to Veisha

60. Get a massage

61. Send a message in a bottle

62. Walk for Charity

63. Go on a bike ride

65. Have picnic

66. See a movie by myself

67. See a full length 3D movie

68. Sell something on Craigslist or Ebay

69. Loose 10lbs.

70. Join a meet-up group and attend an event

71. Have sex in a public place, backseat of a car doesn't count

72. Reset the play count on my i-pood and listen to every song on it at least once before adding new music

73. Learn to play blackjack and play at a casino, this one is for Kyle

74. Donate Plasma

75. Learn to play bridge

76. Beat my grandma at scrabble

77. Learn to drive a stick shift

78. Pay for a stranger groceries

79. Win and yell "bingo" at a bingo hall

I know that it has been such along time since I have even logged on to my LJ account. I was even shocked that I still knew the sign on and the pass word, lol. Well anyway I think I need to post more on here just to get things off of my mind.

I know this post is going to be a little ranty and seem like it has no direction, but i have to say writing when I am upset about stuff is oddly therapeutic to me so just go with it ok.

Here is the the thing I can't understand I tend to think I am a good person, not perfect by any means , but I try to do good and and treat people with respect. The fucked up part is to some people no matter how good of a person I am or no matter what I do for them I am never good enough. They always seem to find fault in things I do. even though the things I am doing are for them or things that I think would make them happy. Or better yet ways I know how to show another person that I care about them, but it just seems that know matter how much good things I do it is never enough for them and still end up coming up short and feeling like shit. I always give my best to the person that I am dedicated to. I just would like to know when my best will be good enough for anyone. I always feel like I fail at every thing in my life and that know one respects me or takes me seriously and that totally sucks. I know that my life has fallen apart, but I just wanna know how to pick up the pieces, move on and get back to to the person I used to be. I wanna find my faith back and do useful things with my life because I know that I have a lot that I can offer to other people and that is what I should be doing with my life. I know where my life is now is not where my life is destine to be. I just wish I could find someone who could take for who I am and love me and not want to change a thing about me. Ya know I have never thought that I have asked for to much out of this life yet I feel like I am always coming up short.. I have just wanted to meet someone who loves me for me  and loves me the way I love them . To me that doesn't seem like a tall order it is not like I am asking for lots of money or fame or anything big like that I just wanna be loved for being me. Or is it true that I am just one of those people that are destine to be alone? God I hope not.

Ok so I decided it was time for me to start a bucket list. Kinda wish I would have done this list a long time a ago because I have done so much in the last year, but oh well this gives me new things to figure out how to do.

1. Ride a horse, on a beach

2. Go to a topless/nude beach

3. Really learn to belly dance

4. Go to NYC for the Thanksgiving Day parade or for New Year's Eve

5. Learn to speak a foregin Language (dutch, spanish or bosnian) and use it.

6. Learn to ballroom dance, in heels

7. Own my own Cafe or Bar

8. Smoke pot in Amsterdam, just cuz I can

9. Get front row tickets to a concert

10. Get dolled-up pin-up style (hair, make-up, clothes and shoe) and hit the town

11. Volunteer for a good cause

12. Live in a different city for a year

13. Learn to salsa and put my skills to use at the Saddle

14. Try French food

15. Be a mom (biologically or adopted)

16. Go back to college and learn a trade or skill

17. Learn how to play guitar

18.Own my own property (likley a condo)

19. Host a themed party

20. Live in an urban area

21. Swim in an ocean

22. Ride a Gondola in Venice(not the knock off version in Las Vegas)

23. Go back to the arch in St. Louis and actually go up in it

24. Meditate in a Buddhist Temple (even though I won't understand the service)

25. Own a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes

26. Wear a dress every day for a week

27. Attend a murder mystery at a bed and breakfast

28. Stay at a bed and breakfast

29. Be a foster mom to dogs or kids

30. Be a vegetarian for a month (no cheating, but animal bi-products are ok. not sure yet if fish are exceptable)

31. Faithfully write in my live journal for a month

32. Get Married

33. Smash grape with my feet for wine

34. Travel to at least 11 foriegen countries (The Netherlands, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Russia, England, Germany, Mexico, Aruba, Italy and Turkey.... Maybe countries could change)

35.Go to a strip club, men's or women's

36. Eat local food only for one month (within 100 miles)

37. Go on a "girls only" trip

38. Learn how to be a bartender

39. Get a bare beaver

40. Learn to read music... again

41. Attend a class reunion

42. Enter a photo in the Iowa State Fair and place

43. Learn to change a tire

44. Swim with dolphins

45. Sing Karaoke, and remember it

46. Skinny Dip

47. Make a warable piece of clothing

48. Run a mile without stopping

49. Make friends with a stranger

50. Learn to type without looking

51. take a photo of myself eveyday for a year, to see how I change

52. Learn to make sushi

53. Eat sushimi

54. Read Catcher in the Rye

55. Get another tattoo (stars with when you wish upon a star...on my foot)

56. Go to Mardi Gras

57. Attend a gay marriage

58. Participate in a political rally

59. Go to Veisha

60. Get a massage

61. Send a message in a bottle

62. Walk for Charity

63. Go on a bike ride

65. Have picnic

66. See a movie by myself

67. See a full length 3D movie

68. Sell something on Craigslist or Ebay

69. Loose 10lbs.

70. Join a meet-up group and attend an event

71. Have sex in a public place, backseat of a car doesn't count

72. Reset the play count on my i-pood and listen to every song on it at least once before adding new music

73. Learn to play blackjack and play at a casino, this one is for Kyle

74. Donate Plasma

75. Learn to play bridge

76. Beat my grandma at scrabble

77. Learn to drive a stick shift

78. Pay for a stranger groceries

79. Win and yell "bingo" at a bingo hall

I am so glad Cade and I just got registered to go on the AIDS walk this Saturday. I am hoping the weather will be nice this year and not snow like it did last year.

It was funny I was looking on the Central Iowa AIDS Projects website and I was looking through pictures from the previous two walk just to see by chance if or any of the people I did the walk with made it in to any of the pictures. I never though in a million years I would see myself or any one I know in them but there it was Brandi and I showed up in one of the pictures.

I finally have purchased my own laptop. It is mine all mine and I don't have to share if I don't want to. It really give me a feeling of independence. Crazy I know that buying a stupid computer gives me independence. Now that I have my own computer I fully intend to post more often. That is if I have anything going on in my life.

I hate the cold weather. It make me crabby and want to be a hermit. It is sad the I am this cranky about the cold and it is only the beginning of December. Boy do I have a long way to go.

I am so drunk on a Thursday night. Good i love college summer break. ya'll don' hate me cuz I'm so drunk.
i

 

I saw this post from Post Secret and it really makes think if ER is the right area of nursing for me b/c I know that I am going to be seeing a lot of the same things a EMS would see.